CRTs

All year I have labored diligently in preparing my students for one test. One test that defines my success as a teacher. One test that ranks a child on the scale of intelligence. One test on which the fate of the universe rests (or if not the universe then at least our school's "no child left behind" status.) The CRTs. And today, we finished! My whole class is done. I thought I would be flooded with relief. I thought I would be happy. But for some reason I don't feel the exuberance that I expected. I'm not sure why. Oh wait...maybe it's because as I watched my students answering the questions on their computers I saw things like this.

Problem: 3 x 7 x 0 x 2 =
Answer: 42
My Thoughts: ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MULTIPLY SOMETHING BY ZERO?????

Problem: What is the area of a square that has sides of 24 inches?
Answer: 24 square inches
My Thoughts: ARE YOU SERIOUS? WE REVIEWED AREA SEVEN THOUSAND TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!

And my favorite was seeing kids who didn't even bother to work the problems out at all. I mean, it's on a computer right so it's probably some kind of game where you select random answers and see how fast you can finish. Yeah right [Billy]! I bet you finished those 70 problems in ten minutes!! (Name changed to protect the guilty...)

I'm so grateful that "the man" decided this test is the perfect indicator of how successful teachers are. Well at least they can't fire me for the horrible scores that are going to be attached to my permanent record. Only thirteen more days left until retirement...